


Understanding

by 7point13



Series: lonely nights and lonelier people [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, References to Depression, Sad, Self-Harm, Short, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, me projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 11:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17938493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7point13/pseuds/7point13
Summary: "It wasn’t that he was sad. No, he seemed to always be sad nowadays. It was that he was just tired. He was tired of hiding, pretending, breathing. He just didn’t have the energy to fake happiness anymore"It just another one of those days when everything seems to fade. One of those days when happy seems like a lie created by Hollywood. He was used to days like this, but when pressed for answers he can't give, Jeongin falls apart at the seams. But maybe the words he couldn't bring himself to say were never meant to be said. Maybe he just needed someone who understood."It's okay Innie, you don't have to explain"





	Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> More of me projecting yay... Hope you enjoy whatever this is and if any of you are feeling a bit shit just know that there's somewhere, a little later in time, where everything turns out alright <3
> 
> Also, TRIGGER WARNING!!  
> There are topics touched on in this story that, while not explicit, may trigger some people. Please don't read this if it might trigger you! Stay safe humans!

Jeongin stared blankly out of the dorm window. Marks from long forgotten raindrops clouded his view, but he didn’t mind. Out from beneath the grim and dirt, Seoul’s glimmering skyline shone back at him. The young boy watched as the sunlight reflected off buildings like jewels, a bright contrast from his current mood.

Slowly, his eyes began to focus on the water droplets falling past his window from a leaky drain pipe above. He watched as the crystal-like beads fell, twirling and tumbling like acrobats, onto the ground far below him. A forever repeating performance. They reminded him of the way red would drip from the pools of self-hatred on the days when his emotions slipped past the carefully built walls.

Today was one of those days. One of the days where all the colours seemed to melt from his life. Where he was sure that he was just a ghost, long since dead and forgotten. It wasn’t that he was sad. No, he seemed to always be sad nowadays. It was that he was just tired. Jeongin was tired of hiding, pretending, breathing. He just didn’t have the energy to fake happiness anymore. But he had too. They were busy, even if it was their day off. They were always busy.

With a heavy sigh, Jeongin tried to find the energy to get out of bed. He had things to do. A life to live, even if it didn’t always seem worth it.

“Innie? Jeongin? You okay?”, Woojin called, head peeking past his door.

“Oh, hey hyung. What’s up?”, He asked, forcing a small smile.

“Are you okay? I called for you like five times”, Woojin asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired I guess”, the younger murmured, suppressing a frown.

“Innie, you’re crying”, Woojin trailed off, slowly walking further into the room. Jeongin reached up towards his cheek. He could feel the warm damp on his skin. The young boy pursed his lips not saying anything as he turning his gaze to the floor.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, he felt the bed dip and his elder sat down beside them.

Jeongin said nothing. Talk? He didn’t know how. How do you explain to someone what it’s like to feel so sad you just go numb? So sad that you force yourself to feel nothing instead, just to cope. How could anyone possibly explain why he felt like that when nothing was wrong? How could he ever tell them that he was what was wrong? That it was him, his thoughts, his brain, that made him feel this utterly helpless. So, instead of feeling, the young boy focused on the burn of his thighs as the drawings he had carved just the night before reminded him of just how lost he was. He focused on the feeling of his words, stuck in his through. The feeling of him choking of the lies he forced out instead.

“I’m fine, just tired”, He muttered, turning away from Woojin’s frown of disappointment.

“Just, promise you’ll talk to me? When you’re ready?”, the elder said, sighing deeply. Jeongin just nodded, knowing that one more lie leaving his lips could break his resolve.

Once his hyung had left, Jeongin collapsed back onto his bed. Like a small cat, the brunette curled in on himself, trying to hide his shaking figure beneath the warm of his blanket. He snapped his eyes tight, trying to focus on anything other than the rivers falling over his cheeks and the sobs he forced back down his throat. He couldn’t do this anymore…

His thought spiral as halted as warm arms curled around his sobbing form. Jeongin began to panic. As tidal waves of sadness and whirlwinds of anxiety crashed over him. He backed away, vision blurry from tears, like a deer trying to escape a hunter. Until a familiar accented voice began to whisper in his ear.

“Shh, it’s okay Innie, it’s just me. I’m here”. Blinking his way through the stream of tears, Jeongin could see Felix’s soft smile.

Understanding shone in the Australian’s eyes. Jeongin thought back to all the time’s Felix’s deep chocolate eyes were dull with the same sadness that Jeongin saw every time he looked in the mirror. The times during dance practice when the older's shirt would lift just enough for his own drawing to peak out. The red ink forming a pattern Jeongin was all too familiar with. As all of this flashed through his mind, Jeongin felt himself collapsing into Felix's embrace. The young boy let himself be enveloped by the comforting warmth as he buried his face in Felix's neck. He wrapped his arms around the blond like he was a lifeline.

"Hyung I- everything just- I can't-", the younger began to panic. He couldn't find the words to explain. Millions of stuttered excuse slipped off his tongue, only to be cut off.

"It's okay Innie, you don't have to explain", Felix whispered into the youngers hair, "Just tell me what you need".

Jeongin paused. What did he need? No one ever asked him that. 'What's wrong?', and 'Are you okay?', got tossed around like a basketball, but no one ever stopped to ask him what he needed, just how it could be fixed. Jeongin smiled softly as realization dawned on him. He had needed someone who understood. Someone who looked at him and didn't see something that needed fixing. Sure, maybe he would always feel this way. Maybe he would never quite be able to wash away this sadness with explanations. But none of that mattered. Because he had someone who could understand.

"Just... hug me?", Jeongin whispered timidly.

"Of course, Innie", Felix smiled, pulling the younger in closer, "I'm always here for you".


End file.
